Passersbys

Normally when someone asks a person how they are the natural response is "I'm fine." But I've come to realize that people don't necessarily want to know if everything is everything or not. People actually waiting to HEAR the answer to the question they ask is a rare find.  In fact,  most do it simply because it is apart of common niceties nothing more nothing less. I honestly believe it is a pretty big deal to ask and listen to the responses of the questions you ask people while on the go. Quite frankly you don't know if you can change someone's view of themselves or the world just by taking five minutes to hear what is on their mind and in their heart. A kind stranger on the bus took the time out to listen to my struggles in their early stages(when I lacked more direction than normal) and it took a load off of my spirit. No one understands that even if it's fleeting showing compassion can help in a life time of woes. I also happen to know it doesn't only help the Asked but the Asker as well. Nothing is more humbling than the realization that even though things in ones' life seem pretty bleak at that particular moment, things could always be worse. Essentially it's really all about perspective.  So be mindful, you never know what's going on with an individual when you're standing at the bus stop or shopping in the grocery store.  It's okay to step out of character and just ask. There's no way to tell,  some  people are just aching for someone,  anyone to reach out. And if you're truly heartfelt,  you may just save a life.

Born Again.

Sometimes all it takes is a little love and reassurance from the right people in your life to make you feel like a brand new person. As we all know by now when i take my mini hiatuses it usually means I've hit some sort of stand-still. And I know i don't talk about her often(only cause she's my business and no-one elses) but you must give credit where credit is due. My lady Asia she's my rock. Nothing is perfect but this woman has seen me at my absolute worse and still chose to stay by my side. She is the light of my life and always finds the sunshine in the middle of my rain. And Babe when you read this know Im grateful.💕💕💕 But anyway the point to all this sappiness is that everyone deserves to have that person to make them feel shiny and new again. Life is complicated enough. Why try and cope with it all alone? Its not always easy to get back up and start over after the costant exhaustion of being knocked down. Having someone there hold out a hand in case one trips is a Godsend. Life is easier to live with someone to live it with.

The Shakespearean Version Of Alive

Sometimes things just  get to heavy to bear. You can go through your day or week or month feeling absolutely fine. And it only takes that one moment of quiet reflection to realize things aren't as great at they seem to be at first glance. From the outside looking in it may seem like you have it all together. But after quiet deliberation, a light goes off and somewhere deep inside of you and the levy breaks. Suddenly you're not as pretty. Or as thin. Your relationships are more strained and all the more distant. You smile way less and eat way more. Then you cry because you eat. Then you eat because you cry. And the one you thought would always be there is open with everyone but the one they need to be open with. You. That's the assumption. But everything is open because the ideal of what romance used to mean is now closed. The  door seems to be slowly shutting on what a real relationship entails. Because somehow down the road less traveled, that door you left unattended, let the hornets fly in. And now your whole world seems fleeting non-committal disingenuous and highly unattached. All you really wanna do is prove to world that you're living in that you're still here. But as life would have it, words fail you. Of course, because it's the only thing that seems familiar to you these days. And at the end of a rope that long it all becomes one big self-infliction. What's even worse is that it hurts. Like bleach covered hell. But because the human body is merciful when adrenaline is pumping, you feel nothing. Quite frankly, I don't know which thing is worse. The billion dollar question is: What's to be done when it comes to this point? Well, Romeo&Juliet swallowed the pestilence of life. Hamlet remained tortured and Othello's fury left Desdemona absolutely stiff. No pun intended. I guess one can bid adieu the old fashioned way, OR  sit and enjoy the luxury of breathing, while praying that they have  yet another chance at attempting a brighter smile on brighter day. Decisions, Decisions.

"Your Move, Chief"

Yesterday we lost one of the greatest actors, personalities and overall shinning stars, the irreplaceable, unforgettable Robin Williams. Me being so young, I've literally spent my entire life captivated by his art. From his whimsical ever-changing voice dynamics as our beloved Genie via Aladdin. Or his ability to immerse himself completely in a role, even wearing pantyhose to do so via Mrs.Doubtfire
His talent knew no bounds. Mr. Williams even had the range to make us love him when we weren't supposed to, taking a step to the dark side as the villainous and family obsessed Seymour Parrish via One Hour Photo.  And those are just to name a few. Everything he was apart of sparkled and shined like the fairy dust he used to fly as Peter Pan in Hook. In my opinion though his most impactful film was Good Will Hunting in which he played a tender but no nonsense therapist, by the name of  Sean Maguire. This role really made me in awe of him not only because of the fantastic acting but because  of the "bench scene" in which Robin's character sort of takes Matt's down a notch. Essentially expressing man's everyday adversities blatantly stating that Matt or Will rather wouldn't ever understand what real struggle entails. That's powerful. And at the end of  speech, daring him to step out of himself he says "Your Move Chief." Closing out one of the greatest scenes in movie history. With the lost of Robin Williams, comes the loss of a happiness and laughter that will be deeply missed worldwide.

The Biggest Gang In America

So can someone please PLEASE  tell me how many of our people, of our families must suffer at the hands of bigoted hate-filled power drunk police officers? And it's not just the NYPD either. Oh no, police departments all over are becoming hip to the trend of "justifiable homicide." Minorities are in danger. More than ever. And please do not misunderstand or misconstrue, when I say minorities I don't only mean African Americans. Although we seem to get  executed twice a day every day of the fucking week. But when I say minorities I mean African Americans, Latinos, Hindus, Asians, Sikhs and  anyone who doesn't fit in the W.A.S.P. category. I am distraught and upset no that's an understatement I am pissed the hell off to the very core of my being. Enough is enough. Eric Gardner's body has not even start to rot  yet and still Just YESTERDAY we lost another unsuspecting youth. Not much earlier I posted this to my Facebook page:

"Yusef Hawkins
Rodney King
Amadou Diallo
Sean Bell
Trayvon Martin
Eric Garner

Michael Brown...

This is Sick. And it's getting sicker.  18 years old. Just Graduated High School &
He was ONE WEEK away from starting his FIRST semester in college. Noticeably unarmed Openly murdered."

And i just want to note we've  lost WAAAAY more people by the hand of 'the boys with the badge' than mentioned  on my mini list. How much longer are we going to put up with this. We need to take a stand. Why isn't anyone understanding that we are no longer helpless slaves but rather slave minded.  We  continue to let these sorry excuses for human life forms we call cops abuse the very power they are supposed to use  to PROTECT us. It's sickening and breaks my heart. And it only gets worse because when our "Protectors and Servers" aren't murdering our men they are beating up choking and trying to charge our women and elderly with any "offense" they can pull out of their self righteous asses. Come on people, we have to BE AWARE. And make a change. If not the daily devastation will not only increase but elevate into unfathomable circumstances that can't even be imagined. I don't know about the rest of you guys but I am sick and tired of seeing RIP everytime I open social media. More people are dying than living these days. And quite frankly, that is a ratio I refuse to accept. So unless you're ready to customize your own burial plot. Get mad and then GET UP. Before even that right is ripped from underneath you.

Bound To

I'm slowly learning that real love goes through real changes. In the beginning there's the honeymoon phase where everything the other person does is absolutely wonderful and you can't seem to spend a minute without them. And the thought of doing exactly that brings on anxiety coupled with a mini conniption. Time goes on and you eventually remove the love goggles and start to see actual flaws. It is then you have to decide whether you can handle what is being presented in front of you. From my experience it is a HUGE mistake to try and mold what's in front of you into some unrealistic figment you believe it should be. What is there was there BEFORE you got there and will be ever standing LONG after you leave.  Soon enough however, even more time goes by and you've settled into the groove  that is a seasoned relationship. The courtesy of remaining 'primped and proper' has vanished replaced by sweatpants tube socks and oversized t-shirts. It's refreshing though, because all that's left is honesty and comfort. Those are two things that should NEVER fade aside from the love(that goes without saying). I've also come to realize that it's detrimental to keep things fresh, play games. Put new twist and spins on you're relationship to bring you and your significant other closer together. It's really all about revitalization. And I guess if you do find yourself stuck in a relationship rut of sorts, take a step back and broaden your horizons. Yet and still, remain upfront with your loved one. That way you can fully affirm that where you are and who your with now is exactly where you want to be. Simply put if the  relationship means anything at all, or just about anything worthy of interest for that matter, you must do the work to keep it strong and happy. Understand that it is sooo easy to fall in love, keeping the love is where the adversity lies.

Junkie

Hey you guys I've been so preoccupied with the soap opera that is my life, I've fallen back into my semi ignorant pattern of half way neglect. Forgive me. This summer has been so topsy turvy and with August in full swing it seems like it just  dragged out and flew by all in the same instance. Anyways I'm having one of those one track mind type of days. Where I can't  seem to stop thinking about something even though I rather not be thinking at all. So naturally I'm going to blog about it to get it out of my system. Oddly enough it ties into one of my blogs from a while back "Id the Dominant." Unfortunately the basic morale of that blog keeps popping up for me this summer. Less on the matter of conscious or subconscious control and more on self control period. Knowing when you have too much or not enough of it. When obeying the Id and being carnal becomes all consuming, and suddenly it registers that  you most likely should back away and reassess  your actions. Of course at that point whatever the indulgence is feels too good and you can't pull away. There's a word for that isn't it? Yes. It's called Addiction. The definition for the word itself is as follows:
 the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. That's some deep shit. Simply because in a nutshell one would be the  sole creator of his/her own misery. Because we all know constantly being pulled in to a place that feels so damn good that just the thought of being without it literally destroys you is purgatory to say the least. But of course I know their are many individuals out there who are smartasses like me and question any and everything.  I'm 99.9% sure one of your inquisitive little minds is reading this like "well how do you even know if you're addicted to something?" Well I'm no expert but I can honestly say if one has to question whether they have a chronic lack of self control there's an obvious issue present. Even so, it's all easier said that done because clearly no matter what it may be said addiction feels impossible to quell. No one wants to lose the rush of receiving something they crave so detrimentally even when they know damn well they shouldn't be craving it. How would one even go about weaning themselves off of something that seems to have a death grip on their very being? Just the thought of that extra special something gets your breathing labored, skin boiling and turns your mind to mush. The wanting, sometimes so overbearingly intense you find yourselves not even able to properly function until you get your fix. As difficult as all of that may be that's is hardly the most prominent adversity to conquer.  It's not about identifying or not being able to  hold one's addiction at bay, it's about the possibility of one not wanting to rid themselves of the addiction so hastily. What if you don't want it to end, whether it needs  to or  otherwise. The road is bumpy, and the line is thin, but the choice is yours and yours alone.