M.O.M.

Hey guys sorry I haven't blogged in so long I 've been  mentally disoriented due to family business and I needed to take time to get my self together. You know, Shit happens. Ironically enough I'm blogging on Mother's Day as a way to "throw the rest of it up"  figuratively speaking. Many people on Mother's Day take the time out to show their mother's their appreciation.  To give gratitude where it is due. Most mothers will  do and have done anything  to make their  child happy and ensure to them that they are loved. According to my research there are a couple different definitions of the word mother. Number one: a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth. Number two: That which has produced or nurtured anything. Well in my case, the first definition is more accurate because "nurturing"  me isn't part of my mother's agenda. It is the general assumption that all mother's are wonderful and sacrifice so much for their children but it's due time for society to realize their are some shitty mom's out there. Now I could sit here and claim that my mother, although not perfect did the best she could with my siblings and I. I could say although she's hurt and disappointed me too many times to count that I still have hope that one day we will be able to coexist peacefully together and have the relationship I've always wanted without any underlying "snake in the grass" hidden agenda. I could say all of that but I made a promise to my readers from the very beginning that I would remain as honest as possible. So to avoid being a liar, I won't say that. MY mother is Master Of Masochism  because she has a Manic Oppression-type Mentality and has a habit of unapologetically violating anyone who doesn't share her views on whoever she dislikes at the moment. She is obsessive compulsive and bipolar so even when she is nice you have to walk on thin ice because any tiny misstep and that can change in a hot second. For a long time even after my mother decided she'd had enough of me and decided it was best I see how life was on my own at the end of my teenage years, I still wanted to be around her, talk to her and have her accept and possibly, finally love me the way she convinced everyone else she's had. And for a long time even after being tossed aside like yesterday's trash, I still played the role of the dutiful daughter. And time and time again I realized I was only being used, only considered "daughter" when it was convenient and or beneficial to her needs. And after the heartbreak of being disowned and ignored it occurred to me that for quite some time , I was being duped. I now understand that even though my Mother may not be the most evil person in the world , like Hitler or Osama or some shit but I do know that  she is pestilence for my mental and emotional psyche. As much as I may want things to be different I know that any genuine change is a far cry away. Maybe one day in the far future, things will be healthier but even then I'll  want to keep my distance just to keep my sanity because  my mother is good at many things but  Mostly Orchestrating Madness which is why I took the time, blog free to let it all sink in. I will never let anyone make light of my emotions and treat my spirit recklessly ever again, never again will I let anyone tell me I'm making Mountains Outta Molehills.