Replenish.

Over the past few days, I found myself stumbling continuously on to an important lesson. "Too"  is a word that carries a lot of weight. There is a such thing as too kind, too loyal, too available. To  be completely  honest, at first I was a little flabbergasted. Why wouldn't anybody want people around them that have these qualities and use them to be a decent human being? Why would anybody be ashamed of being the best version of themselves?  The more it weighed  on my mind however, the more I realized the answer existed prominently in my day to day life.  People are naturally selfish. Self preservation is first and foremost. So when there's people out there that break the mold, like myself, we get labeled as "doing too much." Even worse, those around us get used to our giving nature and begin to become less appreciative and more expectant. When you start to expect a person to just be there for you, you stop appreciating the fact that they are.  As if it could get any more painful for those that give, the biggest issue with it is, giving to the point where there  is nothing left for oneself. For me personally, that's the hardest habit to break. When I love, it's usually hard and with full force. Yet and still, it never really dawns on me, that in the midst of all the love that I'm giving, I'm being emptied. Not just emptied, emptied with no way to replenish. Simply because everyone else is preoccupied with thinking about themselves. The saddest thing about not being built like that, is that we strive to be. Wholeheartedly.  Those who give naturally, want so badly to be able to focus on just themselves. It is extremely daunting to feel compelled to give your all to the people  you would do anything for, ALL of the time. Even more so, when no one is reciprocating.  Make no mistake, its not that  the people who choose to give more than they receive don't care about themselves. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We give as much as we do because it makes us feel good to know that our loved ones are taken care of.  We sleep better that way. It  just saddens us to no end, that those we hold dear don't have the same thought process 90% of the time.  It makes us question how much value we hold to them in the first place. It makes us feel as though we are unworthy. What is so wrong with wanting to be on the receiving end of the love we so readily give? The weird thing is, when we ask that, the general consensus is that there's nothing wrong with wanting the love we give. Even so, we wait patiently, only to  be left as loved starved as we were initially.  In fact, the majority of our loved ones say "if you can give such good love to us why can't you give the same love to yourself?" Firstly, no one said we couldn't. Secondly, why does the thought of loving someone the way they love you put so many people ill at ease? Thirdly, that question in itself is insulting because those cherished loved ones, are simply implying that because we care and love without restriction, that we should be able to cope with our own lack of love on our own. Even going as far as stating that existing happily without the love that we share with others should be "easy." Being natural givers we should be all we need. Right? Wrong. Such a sad sack of crap. Especially since it is common knowledge, that to love and be loved in  return, to the proper capacity, is what keeps people thriving in the first place. I will say this, it'll be a glorious day when the recievers can take the time out away from their own self absorption and raise their heads long enough  to see that us givers NEED just the way they do. And we truly do deserve it. Fully and completely.