The Epic Middle Finger.

Lesson of the day kids, do not ever live your life based off of the way someone else thinks you should. If you are a responsible, respectable, mature human being you're doing okay.  You don't owe anyone anything more than that. If you are not killing anyone, or causing injury to another living being in any way shape or form, your life is just fine. If you can afford to eat, pay your phone bill and have a clean pair of underwear on, you are doing an excellent job at life. Do not let ANYONE or anyone's opinion make you feel less than what you are. It is no one's  business how much money you have in YOUR  pocket, or how you attain it for that matter. It is human nature to do whatever it is you have to do to survive. If people have qualms about that because they feel like you're not good enough for them or the people that you keep around you, that is their issue NOT yours. If your mom treats your little cousin better than you because your little cousin graduated from college and that's what she thinks you should do then OH FUCKING WELL.  If you think getting knowledge in a non institutionalized way is better, then honestly fuck anything else. If your significant other's parents make you feel like you're a deadbeat because according to them you don't work as hard as their precious baby, practice selective deafness. More than likely, they're  unaware of the complete and utter bullshit that you have to put up with from their "precious baby" on the daily basis. On top of maintaining one's own physical, mental and emotional stability. I'm truly EXHAUSTED with the mere notion that people think they're ENTITLED  to push their  opinion on you and you are OBLIGATED to comply. People can actually go  all the way to hell, without a drop of iced water with that load of  genuine crap. Noone  wants an opinion that wasn't  requested prior. Kindly, shut the hell up. Furthermore, it also makes a person think and wonder what is said about them  and their  situation  in their absence. Like is there a whole council that discusses the state of people's  individual prosperity over tea? Tuh! If so it would only be suitable to invite the guest of honor. Or should I say dishonor? Whatever floats. How other people see you and how other people feel about you is not your business. If they aren't  fucking, feeding or financing you, their words should come across as white noise to a  sleepy spirit. Barely audible and no where near relevant. Period.

The Invasion: A Love Letter.

I was struck with the notion this morning, that people are really uncultured. Too many people don't know about where the goods of this world really come from. There's a lot of different variations for the term "goods" but in this case I'm talking about music. Along with the writing and artistry and advocation, I also like to sing. A lot of my friends and family say I'm pretty good but the jury still out on that one. Anyway, one thing that most people don't know about me personally. is that I  have a deep and unwavering respect for the 60's British Invasion. The bands from that era, my goodness, the sound. Honestly speaking, the main reason I adore the British Invasion as  much as I do because if it weren't for THEM;  Dave Clark Five, Gerry and the Pacemakers, The Rolling Stones, The Who, and my beloved Beatles NO ONE  outside of black culture would  even KNOW and/or APPRECIATE  the black sound of that time. It was the Bristish Invasion that went to the black artist of that time and said "Hey that sound is groovy would you mind terribly if we  sung too or used pieces of it as inspiration for what we want to give to the world?" Or at least that's how I imagine it went. Truthfully, before the Bristish Invasion, white  AMERICAN artist of that era DID NOT  ask for permission to cover and/or sample the black sound. They simply remade the song and pretended the black version didn't exist. The British Invasion didn't try to ERASE us they simply paid homage and respectfully at that.  In fact, The Beatles worked exclusively with Smokey Robinson and wrote HIM a song as a thank you for letting them cover one of his. Gotta love those guys. Seriously though, my love for the British Invasion is insurmountable because they helped the Black, soul, R&B sound go mainstream while simultaneously blurring the color lines. There was no longer white  music or black music...just music. For that I will always be grateful. And let's face facts really, Beatle Mania knew NO complexion. They were everywhere, rich or poor, black or white. It was nationwide. Sigh. I STILL want somebody to hold my hand as bad as John wanted to. ❤

Drugs.

Earlier today I was reading about this really amazing guy. For the life of me, his name won't come back to me, and I wish it would.  Anyway, this guy is an artist who painted an array of faces based on  the effect of different drugs. I was immediately intrigued. When I finally went through the gallery of photos they blew me away. As I continued to read the actual story I read the artist took some of the drugs that he manifested into works of art. Knowing that sort of concerned me, (how can you even take drugs like LSD and Codiene and simply walk away?) but then it made me all the more convinced of his talent because it seems he captured everyone of the dependencies  perfectly. Interestingly enough, it was the last installment that stayed with me the most. His last drug of choice was love. His painting of the brain stimulated by love and what I'm assuming what it looks like in the mind when it is in love, legitimately made my eyes water. At first, I didn't quite understand why he would choose love and express in terms of a sort of contraband. But I would be being  naive to say that love, falling into it and surviving through it is not a mind-altering experience. Love is a very powerful thing. Making the most sane people irrational while simultaneously bringing clarity to even the most cluttered minds. I think it's really brilliant  that, falling and being in love doesn't feel the same with every new person we decide to to take that risk for. With one person, falling in love can feel like a light breeze and sunshine on your face. Another person can make you feel something entirely different. The more I think about it,the more I realize this guy was really on to something. Not everyone is going to react to the same drug in the same way, every single time. Why should love be any different? In my few experiences with the subject, falling in love felt calm, soothing, giddy and warm open. In my most recent experience, it's sort of like drowning and getting the opportunity to take in air at the same time. Painful  and scary divine and wonderful all at once. So I guess in a way, the artist guy really did hit the nail on the head. Love is trippy, but worth it if you do it right.

Slap In The Face.

Unapologetically speaking, anyone that gives me an excuse as to why they've been so absentee in my life; friend, family, significant other, whoever, that is the automatic signal to me, that it is cut off time. If said individuals reasoning, doesn't involve life or death circumstances for them or someone in their family  OR  the struggle of low monetary means, then I don't want to hear it. Even the monetary means situation is relative because  in my  personal experience,  if I want to spend time with a person but they cant get to me because they have no money, then more than likely I'll offer to pay for the travel. If that is indeed the case and I'm offering to pay then the next sentence should be "I'm on my way."  Even if a person  lived too far to get to me EVERY SINGLE TIME  then the communication should be relatively consistent.  We have too much technology in this day and age to not have complete tabs on our loved ones. If your presence is lacking in my life one way or another then honestly at that point your presence will no longer be wanted anyway. I wish everybody I loved  thought how I did when it came to this subject. I say this because, there's me, the ever-loving friend, companion whoever, always on deck and more than ready to be supportive and alert and present. There's not a day that goes by that I dont check in on at least four people I love. Even the ones I dont see often will have a random I love you via test or inbox waiting for them frequently enough. Those same loved ones that I go above and beyond for are most times oblivious to it. The reason being is because nine times out of ten they have their energy invested into someone who is not as invested in them. Being the one who is always invested, all the time, dealing with this blatant disrespect becomes hurtful as well as annoying. I'm always going to tell my loved ones how much I care about them. I'm always make sure my loved ones have eaten and that they're healthy and emotionally stable. No matter what. The same loved ones will be waiting on that same treatment from someone who wasn't even thinking about them long enough to send out a quick "You Okay?" text. Months will go by with no word, and still excuses will be made. It's really so fucked up. Seemingly, stopping the world for the person that treats you like shit, while not even fully appreciating the one person that is constantly there.

SIDEBAR: Yes, even if a person hasn't done anything to outwardly hurt you, or haven't made you feel like scum in recent memory, if THEY can go days, weeks or even months without talking to you or at the very least checking in after YOU have tried on NUMEROUS occasions then that person IS INDEED TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP!! NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.

To accept that terrible  behavior and still even TRY to reach them all the while ignoring the effort in front of you, or treating it lightly, is like a punch to the gut or a slap in the face. I'll be the first to remind you, no one enjoys being beaten up.

Lights.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that not everyone we meet and everyone we love will think and/or operate the way we as individuals do. There are people out there who are the type to go above and beyond when someone they love is in dire need of  support. Whether bonded by blood or the the purity of overcoming seemingly unbearable obstacles, there's  always that likely chance that you'll come across a situation that highlights where you and your loved one differ in the handlings of daily life. Some of those differentiations will come as a shock , some of them will be confusing and some of them will be downright agreeable. Either way it is not our jobs to fret and despair over how other people may or may not treat us. If you do something for someone and later down the line when realize that they wouldn't do the same for  you, all you can do from that point is modify the way you treat that person. Weigh out your options and truly decide if going above and beyond for someone who wouldn't do the same for you even worth the stress. That's not to say that that makes the other person who doesn't operate on your personal wavelength a terrible human being. You may love this person with all your heart, all the would mean going forward is that you now know what boundaries not to cross. You know the limits to set for yourself when it comes to this person and that's not something to be apologetic about. It is the universal struggle to comprehend that we are not responsible for how other people treat us or how other people choose to behave. If we are being our best selves to a person but still feel that they are lacking in the same treatment it is not our job to build them or change them. Granted humans naturally help each other grow by surviving through adversity. That being said, it is not our sole purpose to assemble another human being. Only true purpose is to better ourselves then and only then can we work on helping someone else. Even so there are boundaries, it is not only ridiculous but cruel to dim your own light in order for someone else to shine. It is okay if not everyone you love to treat you the best all the time. No one is always going to be their best self, the world is too complicated for that. However comma it is sad and not really wise to let that particular behavior from said love one question everything you know to be true not only about your life, but about yourself. No matter what happens even when you make a mistake, react badly, get emotional or even make a really stupid mistake, it'd be best not to forget your inner light. Imperfection and embracing of the struggle does not make a person any more or less special than anyone else. Ever.

May Flowers.

It's finally May!!! Last week I didn't write at all because I was enjoying a little hiatus with family and friends.  I'm sort of excited because I haven't been feeling the best physically but the sun is peaking through the clouds more often now. For me, sunshine equals freedom. The best thing about May's arrival, besides the lovely flora and fauna is the fact that my birthday isn't too far away. Right before the end of May I'll be 23. I can honestly say that I learn new lessons every single day. In my 11 months and 2 days of being 22, I am solidified in my belief that perseverance is key. I've had some very trying moments in this year. As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and curl into the fetal position, I rose above it. The more I think about it actually, the more it dawns on me that the older I get the more I have to rise above. I can understand why that would be the circumstance though, most things people do to get through things when that are younger would be completely unacceptable  as of now. It's not, nor will it ever be productive to throw a tantrum or give the silent treatment as an adult. It will only make you look childish and petty. Behaving in a manner such as that also conveys the lack of respect you have for the person you're choosing to adress. It's best to be beyond that and treat people with respect its when its difficult. I've always seen May as the month to focus on and celebrate renewal and the blossoming of one's mindset and spirit. Regardless of what life conjures up, it's  important to  remain the best version of yourself that you can offer. Kindness and respect are traits in an individual that arent easily forgotten. Common decency always comes back tenfold.