The Lord's Vacation

A friend of mine, one I go way back with, probably to like middle school, came to me  cyberly, seeking  advice. Now from what I've heard and the feedback I've gathered I'm pretty good at giving advice. I don't necessarily agree, which is probably why I rarely ever listen to myself. Anyway this good friend went on to tell me about her relationship troubles. According to her, her boyfriend is the reason for all of their problems. She went on to say he has a problem being faithful and a very bad wandering eye. I asked her when was the last time he wandered his eye or cheated and I was pretty confused by the answer she gave me. I guess I was expecting her to say "last week", "two weeks ago" even "last month" but she said "two years ago." TWO YEARS AGO. So then I kind of LOL'd her. Which in retrospect, was probably not the best thing to do. I  I asked her why why she stayed with him if he wasn't doing right by her. And of course she said "because I love him" to which I responded "if you love him why are you holding on to something that happened two years ago?" and her answer is what prompted this blog today. My good friend that I've known since the 8th grade still managed to shock the shit out of me  by answering my question with one simple statement  "I'm a grudgeholder , whatever, it's not my job to forgive its God's." Boy was I floored. Maybe because I've never gotten that perspective  before. And never so blatantly.  But then it got me to thinking, why does God forgive? And why do we as humans give him so many reasons to do so? And do we as a people use God as a reason to do stupid things? When you're young and growing up, you make a mistake and  your mom or your grandmother or your dad or your grandpa tells you that all you have to do is ask for forgiveness and you will receive it. Clean slate no questions asked. But there are a solid couple BILLION people in this world. Imagine someone everyday  making a stupid mistake, most likely the same one or a ridiculous variation of it and they running to you with "remorse" and you're just EXPECTED to forgive them. Bullshit right? Exactly. But that is what we as humans or as the religious say "sinners" do. I mean not only do we ruin things for ourselves and others constantly but most of the time we have the NERVE to be self-righteous about it.  And then head straight to God expecting and taking for granted his forgiveness. Shame on it. I'm no saint on any account either but geez. I'm sure it wouldn't kill any of us to have a slice of humble pie with a side helping of selflessness.  It's a wonder God hasn't  struck us all down already. It really must get tiring, unconditional love,  and for what just another let down in the end. Maybe if he retired or went away for a while on a retreat to get the kinks of the idiocy in human race rubbed out. People would notice just how good they have it with their slate wiped and polished at their convenience. But no-one is God so no-one would know.

Retrospective

Sometimes you just have to look back.  Sometimes you just have to reflect and be grateful. Most people  are so busy focusing on negatives in life, and what they lack. No one bothers to realize that's what you have is a blessing. People have grown accustomed being ungrateful. I've come to realize that gratefulness stems from a sense of immortality . Most love to believe that they will live forever, but we all know unfortunately that is not the case. The faster people realize that life is a gift , that will eventually end, the sooner they will realize that all the wonderful things that make up their existence is something to be awestruck by. People love negativity, people love hatred. Granted we are all human and not every day is going to be a great one but there should always be more good than bad. One should always find one good thing that happened to them  in each day,even in a shitload of disappointment. Because when you do  search and find, that shows that you are cultivating and utilizing life. And that whatever Most High you may believe in did not waste His/Her or Their time. There's so much wrong with the world, this I know. Nonetheless, appreciate the right things. Share the right things spread the positivity. That's will prolong your lifespan and while there is no secret remedy to immortality. Happiness is the key to a long, full, and prosperous life. As my grandmother used to say for everything you don't have there are two things that you do. Remember that and you will live on long after you've left world.

Odds

Drives me nuts when I'm feeling exceptionally shitty and someone tells me "don't worry it's just another bump in the road". Like obviously I know that it's a bump that's why I feel shitty in the first place.  When things fuck up it's so discouraging.  When all you want to do is live a happy life as best you can, some crazy mess comes in and ruins that. Usually out of the blue always unexpected, just messy. The really sick part of the whole deal is nothing bad seems to happen until you are at the very peak of your success, at the very tip of your happiness. It's like everything is going fine, just got yourself a new house and a new car to match and then suddenly, a crater comes and SMASHES all your new shiny things to pieces. Now I know that is a very cynical and exaggerate example but the point is made  nonetheless. In the event of that circumstance, the first thing someone would think is  "what are the odds that this will happen to me after working so hard to achieve my goal"? That's the thing, people are always saying what are the odds of this and what are the odds of that, to be completely honest the odds of something messing up when everything's going perfectly are  pretty high. And no one ever expects it, irony at its best, eh?  I can tell you though, it gets mighty tiring always getting the short end of the stick. Waiting for the good to come all the time can wear somebody out indefinitely. Why exactly should anybody have to put any of their happiness on hold? I mean, the way I've been told that karmic forces are supposed to work is that good things I supposed to happen to good people. Instead however, unfortunate circumstances follow upon the good  individuals of the world. It's enough to make you wanna cry but you don't of course , because as luck would have it humans I'm blessed and cursed with a thing called hope. So even when you really do feel your shitiest , you don't give up. Because someday, sometime, things will work out. And holding on to that is what helps us little people survive . And anything that helps survival, is alright with me.

Id the Dominant

Being out of character is totally in character. One of my very best friends  took the time out  to enlighten me on the ways of myself pertaining to the best of the worst in me. I guess what they say about best friends knowing you better than you know yourself is true. Anyway, she reminded me that I'm human and therefore equipped with the capability of the occasional lapse of stability and average mental malfunctioning. She went on to explain to me that just because you know something is wrong doesn't mean it is easy to stop yourself from doing it or that you even want to stop. And that it is not any more or less  significant then waking up early and getting out of your bed to volunteer at a church your mother attends.  Neither choice makes you more noble then anyone else in the world. Sometimes even when you try to do the right thing, to take the high road and be the most morally sound person possible the primal part of you will get in the way. Hence the age-old Battle of the Superego and the Id. Good ol' Sigmund Freud told us that there are three different parts of the mind to complete the human psyche. He believed you have the Superego the Ego and the Id.  As we all very well know the Superego is the moral compass. It is the Jiminey cricket of sorts, the Angel on your shoulder. The Id however, is the visceral gut- wrenching carnal part of oneself that allows you to feel so good when doing and/or thinking so badly. The Ego is the mediatior and scale balance of the two. It's scary business when your Ego goes on vacation, enabling your Id to give your Superego a wedgie and stuff it in a locker like a highschool bully. All to run amok and terrorize whoever is closest.  Which in turn Leaves ones' mind and physical being hot, flustered and wanting against their will, a conundrum one  had no business being apart of in the first place. Why does it seem that the Superego only pitches it's two cents AFTER the animal inside of us has stalked, killed and devoured it's prey and is contentedly sucking on it's carcass? Even more so, having the audacity to manifest in the form of guilt and self-hatred, like H E L L O  where were you went I was attempting to fight and getting my ass whipped by temptation? As bad as the good people of the world may feel when quelling a fever impossible to contain, regardless of the origin, all we can do is breath and chalk it up to the nature of the human mind. Hopefully, it's not always severe when experienced, but I can say it is meaningless to fight because the harder the fight the more the Id is liable to take control. And with that lightbulb, radiating ever so blatantly in my mind, I guess I can say I fully comprehend where the phrase "It Hurts So Good" comes from.

Call Of Duty: Black Ops

Happy June guys! I'm finally back from my vacation I had a great time and a great birthday. In my short time of being 21 I've learned that you have to watch what you say. I've learned that the mood you're in can determine how what you say comes out. Talking when you're mad, bad idea . Talking when you're sad , bad idea. Essentially, opening your mouth during any blood pressure raising situation is a bad idea. I don't care how cool calm and collected a person claims to be when they feel slighted they will immediately go into defense mode. Which automatically implies that there was something to defend, which subliminally enforces wartime. Wartime is when keeping it real goes wrong. If you're getting heated with someone you love you don't want to be in wartime. That is when mistakes are made and wartime is right around the corner  from RegretTown . Walking around with anger in your chest or sadness in your heart is like carrying a loaded gun. Eventually you will harm somebody if not yourself first.  Now not to be unrealistic  I know everyone gets angry and everyone gets sad, still it's not necessarily what you say but how you say it. Even if you are angry and you take a breather and think to yourself the person that I am in wartime with is not someone I am willing to lose permanently, you can positively change the outcome of an otherwise negative situation. You know how  like when election time rolls around and everybody's all "Vote or Die", I believe a more accurate term to use for life in general is "Think or Die. If you don't think before you act you probably will die. Literally and figuratively. Thinking is both prevention and cure. Imagine how different the world would be if everybody actually thought before they did things. Imagine a world without any poverty or disease. Impossible as it seems, that can happen. That world has the ability to exist,  and not only to just exist but to thrive as well. The only reason things aren't as such now is simply due to the fact that people lack the use of their minds and no one thinks before they speak. If being in wartime seems like the life , then fine so be it.  Feel free to run off at the mouth with no pace nor precaution. But if you've been in wartime with a loved one or friend, and like myself, soon realized how much it sucks. Then the only way to save yourself, the only way to get out of the war is to use your brain. It is your best, most strong, most accurate and lethal weapon and with it nothing is unattainable.

Fountain Of Youth

I Already know I'm slacking cause I was supposed to have been blogging. But I haven't been blogging because my birthday is coming and I've been putting all my focus in that. Getting older is difficult for some. But for a long time I've been looking forward to it. I'll be 21 this year. Now granted that is nowhere near old and there's a lot of different reasons why I should be excited about that but the main reason is because I am now able to be recognized as an official adult in society. I have worked very hard for my life and in my mind this birthday reflects that. I never understood why people dreaded their birthdays so much. People associate  being old with being feeble and therefore unable to live life the way they once had. But I don't believe that to be true, you're only as young as you let yourself believe you are. Age is relative. A lot of people say silly things like "1 year old is one year closer to death" or "the older you get the more you lose". The way I see it  anyone can die at any time. No one should let the fear of death stop them from doing anything they believe it is important. in my humble opinion I believe it doesn't make sense to be afraid of something that is inevitable. So instead of fearing one should be rejoicing.  Every birthday is a small victory, a stepping stone  toward ones ultimate goal. Everyone is so used to looking for the answer , an easy fix to aging. No one realizes that the secret to staying younger isn't in any advertisement nor commercial.  Youth itself lies within the human spirit and the will to stay active healthy and happy. Nothing more nothing less. So if you are searching for some sort  of an answer , look within yourself first.

Exhausted

Apparently no good deed goes unpunished. The irony in that saying itself is enough to drain my essence and leave me empty. Considering that I'm a good person and I act as such, even to people who don't deserve it, I'd like to believe there is some divine justice. That all the genuinely evil people will be  severely punished for all the harm they've caused but no one can confirm that with absolute certainty. That tires me out. It's so difficult holding moral grounding staying kind without an agenda. Even more so being honest without malice to those who don't even deserve a sincere smirk. Keeping up niceseties  with people who make you mad enough to spit is a noble feat indeed. And oh yes, I'm well aware of the fact that compassion leads to a happiness that is nourishment to the soul.As well as the notion that treating others how you would like to be treated adds longevity to the lifespan.  But sometimes, and only sometimes I wish the good guys didn't have to wait for the very last minute of the very last hour during the very last day to see the plentiful reaps of the positivity sowed. I guess I wish there was an  instant app  that can help all the good and patient warm hearted people receive swift and reasonable justice. Because waiting around for a wrongdoer to come take responsibility for his or her actions can be exhausting too. Especially when you know that'll never happen anyway.  Well-meaning individuals,  need to make a comeback because  nice guys finishing  last is so played out. To be frank, the whole ideal of it is just enough to make me question humanity, or rather the lack thereof.