On Trees

So worn out  yet again, so sorry such a busy day. I'mma keep it short and sweet though so bare with me.  During most people's younger years, when  something that was out of  the family budget parents would firmly tell us "Money Doesn't Grow On Trees". That was their way of letting  us know that the answer to our craving for the material things was and always will be no. That kind of disappointment at that age was annoying at best, but nonetheless tolerable. Simply because there weren't  any other options. One had no choice but feign contentment  under the authority of their gaurdians. The silver lining to this situation however,  is growing up.  You learn  that even though money doesn't literally go on trees, you can build self control. Self control enables you to spend at your own leisure with putting yourself on a bad end of the responsibility spectrum. No one wants to be the one who never splurges on what they want the same way no one  wants to be "knighted" as the one with chronically empty pockets. There is always supposed to be a happy medium. Balance is the key to sanity.

What Aretha Said.

I'm  blogging  incredibly late today so, first  and foremost, my apologies.  This one wont be too long because I'm quite exhausted. I just  have  something I need to get off my chest. In ANY relationship  whether it be with one's parents, best friend, significant other or anyone in between, RESPECT is imperative. If an individual does not  have respect  for  a person  they insist  on having in their lives then it is BEYOND  obvious that said personal  shouldn't  be apart of their particular journey. A lack of respect  can destroy a relationship  quicker than a weapon can end a life. Without  respect, there is nothing  left to deal with but the pain of what is ultimately built from arrogance, blantant ignorance and distrust. Respect is the seedling to the bloom of an open mind, honesty,  and overall  emotional as well as physical health. In fact, without  genuine  respect an unconditional love is essentially impossible.  Now don't  misconstrue, I  didn't  say love  was impossible, only the kind that doesn't require condition. Having  true respect for someone that is  deeply cared for, romantic or otherwise, is as close to a Utopia as we flawed creatures are going to get. Nurture, Cultivate, Grow and  Spread Respect. If not for anyone else, then for one's self.  We as a people, are worth it.

Animals

The human body is something else. It has dawned on me that the  body we treasure  so, was designed to give away all of our secrets. Our bodies were never meant to hide or protect us, at least not for the carnal matters anyway. Like  when we were younger, we would see our crushes  and immediately our brains would turn to oatmeal. Sweating palms. Stammering words. When just minutes before we would make promises to ourselves that we would "play it cool". Regardless  of whether  the messages are received  by our brains, our evil little  bodies have other agendas. Even though I still have trouble accepting this fact, the deceit of our beloved vessels  only gets worse as we get older. Actually, once  we're  older it becomes increasingly impossible to "play it cool". Because as we all know,  alot more comes with having a crush or being heavily attracted to someone when we're  all grown up. Our bodies tend to acquire much more interesting ways to give us away. Heart Pounding. Blushing Skin and so much Warmth. Everywhere. One of the hardest  things we humans will ever have to do is say no when our whole bodies are screaming "Please,Yes, Now."  When you have someone in your life that makes you forget everything but the sound of your own pleasure, all the time, any time, how do you fight that? Honestly, most of the time, you can't. And if you really REALLY feel you should, you need to build willpower. Really strong willpower.  God forbid  your heart  conspires with the panting ache your body manifest, one word, T R O U B L E. One can only be grateful that as humans we were never meant  to be perfect. We all are just simple animals after all. All I can, say is try your absolute best, be safe about any decisions you make and remember to breathe. Cause when the body we trusted so deeply truly betrays us,  deep full breaths of air drop to a fast second on the list of priorities. We will not only become accustomed to forgetting to breathe...we will welcome it.

Sandcastles

Ultimately, everything in life is a meant to  mold us into wiser individuals. Every  lesson unfolds to shape  the content  of our character. Lately I've  realized, that one of the things we as mere mortals cannot control is who we make room in our hearts for. One can know someone for over two years and still not feel as connected to them as they do to a person they only knew for a few weeks. Then again, I myself  am a firm believer in the saying "It's  not how long you've known someone, it's the significance of what you've survived together that counts". No one  is going to let just anyone into their heart. And you don't  necessarily have to be IN LOVE to feel love for the person you open your  heart for. Love is love despite the logistics and minor details. And regardless of what simple minded  humans love to believe, no one is cold hearted enough to resist the pull of genuine human connection that is often used to form an unbreakable bond. Everyone needs that gut wrenching feeling  of being adored, desired, respected and overall appreciated.  Everyone craves to be understood. And when one has found a person who  can provide that for them selflessly, they cannot help but love them. And they most likely always will, despite where that journey of love will lead them. That being said, sometimes  that love, won't always take a person where they want to go. Sometimes there is imbalance. Sometimes things are circumstantial. Sometimes certain things are just meant for the next lifetime, so to speak. See, in my humble opinion, we Humans, are like sandcastles. Water can destroy a sandcastle  in the same wave it can be created with. The same applies to us with Love. Love can hurt the hearts it's help to mend. Even so, every summer people go to the beach and build  those sandcastles,  aknowledging that they may or may not  be destroyed. The same way people let new love in their hearts despite the fact that it may or may not end in pure agony. Why do we do it? Because, love like a finished sandcastle, hold such unadulterated beauty that it's  virtually impossible to hold any regrets. Especially when every moment was as honest as the air we breathe. Despite what love can turn a situation into, whether  it habors you or welcomes needed distance, real love never truly dies. It's  just healthier to accept where Life takes you because  a intricate  ingredient to real love is Growth. Sometimes you have to let people go to let them grow. It doesn't  mean you love them any less it may mean you love them  more so.

Busy

I want you all to know that discussing the issues still matter to me. The state of our world and the life of our youth still matters to me. It's just that so much has been going on with me, personally. There's no possible way I can be the vigilante you guys know and love if I cannot deal with the things going on with Me first.  I am beyond grateful you guys gave me the time to do just that. Your patience is much appreciated. Unfortunately, it seems I haven't  been the only busy one as of late. Since my hiatus, we have  lost more young black men and women than I can count on 10 PAIRS of hands. According to modern day stats a person of color is murdered  by an officer of the law EVERY 28 HOURS.  If that's  not BUSY  I don't  know what is. Mind you, we all know there are only 24 in a day. So imagine if you lost a loved one LITERALLY  every  other day for two weeks? Two months? Two years? Unthinkable right? WRONG. It  has been open season on melanin since the beginning of TIME. And this generation, this Era is no exception. I have  been praying and watching and reading. Here's  what I'm  going to need... I'm gonna need a RETRAIL for Rekia Boyd's case like RIGHT NOW. I'm  gonna need Caesar R.Goodson and the other FIVE of those ANIMALS to be put in jail like LAST FUCKING WEEK. (Excuse  my language). There is NO WAY on Earth that Freddie Gray who was indeed MURDERED  IN POLICE CUSTODY.  Shortly AFTER being UNLAWFULLY ARRESTED for carrying what is now confirmed to be  a LEGAL POCKET KNIFE AND NOT A SWITCHBLADE. (Yes there is a difference). I'm  gonna need them to rot for that because  that "Suspension With Pay" is completely  and utterly bullshit. Especially after the legal system of Baltimore ruled it to be a Homocide already. Sooo, what exactly  is the hold up there?!  I need some Cuffs and Revoked Badges ASAP. And since the good ole' B.P.D. (Baltimore Police Department) enjoys being so damn BUSY... I'mma need ya'll  to answer  me this: WHERE IS JOSEPH KENT??!!!  This is not a game nor a joke. You don't  just snatch a peaceful protester off the street. He is not a white man, with a striped shirt and glasses. His name is not WALDO and this is not hide and seek. Give Us Our Black Man Back!!! ALIVE. Please and Thank you. We are waiting.

Education.

Hey guys. I've been gone for so long due to "technical difficulties" but I'm back and here to stay. In the long time that I was gone I discovered alot of things about myself and others. I learned that relationships are hard work and not everyone and everything are what they seem at first glance. I learned that when you have an empathetic heart hurting someone you love is like poisoning yourself. I also learned that the heart is a very vulnerable muscle capable of feeling for more than one being, therefore stretching itself very thin. I've come to know that the idea of death and expiration is very foreign to most until it hits close to home. And then the mourning,  the depth of the loss is tremendous.  Practically unbearable.  I learned that when things are left unresolved and or unsaid you become less of a person and more of an open wound. And that time healing all wounds is a fallacy for those who aren't quite sure how to let themselves be healed. I learned just how difficult being a young woman in this day and age can be. Especially one with all the adversity I have to carry daily. Fortunately, I learned early that feeling sorry for yourself only makes things harder. I learned that living in itself is a series of choices not all of them easy and not all of them smart. But hey it's a red pill, blue pill kind of life now isn't it?

Special shout out to the "protectors of America" who taught me that Freedom of Speech is a myth when powerful people fear what you have to say. Thanks alot fellas.

Think Pink

Hey loves. Its the first of October which means it the beginning of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  It is so important  that the word gets spread because even though I'm so young unfortunately a lump was found in me and I had to get it surgically removed but not before I went through an immense amount of stress and pain. It wasn't only hard on me but my loved ones as well. I experienced leakage and swelling like no other before the removal.  I couldn't even attend some of my college courses for the fear of a random dripisode. My friends and family  had to sacrifice their time and energy to make sure I got to doctors appointments  on time and stayed to support me every time I ended up in a hospital bed. Now I'm on constant "boobie watch" every three to six months I get my daily check ups. Shout out to Dr. Angela Love my primary physician who takes care of all my needs(and I have plenty lol) and who reffered me to Dr. Alyssa Galeigl, the surgeon that removed my mass and continues to give me check ups Shouts to my Pookiebear Asia for just staying positive even when she was crumbling loving me when I was pale and gross, Regardless of what we are or go through my love for you will never fade and kisses to ALL my in-laws. Shouts to my Non-biological MamaBear Akela Tucker for being available when my dam would break in a way that only she can.. I love you with my whole heart. Shouts to my sisters, Toni love you sugga dumpling, Jua love you soooo much Dad, Jay my beautiful Dread for calling me everyday of that rough time(like a stalker lol) love you. Shouts to my Biological,  as dysfunctional as we are, on the day of my surgery you didn't let me down. That was a bigger blessing than I can ever express. Last but certainly not least SUPER DUPER EXTRA SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO MY BEST FRIEND, CHAUFFEUR, THERAPIST, SHOULDER TO LEAN ON, FOOD AND SNACK PROVIDER, PERSONAL HAIRSTYLIST AND MAKEUP ARTIST CHANTEL KIYA WATTS (Whose birthday is this month on the 20th and I cant wait to celebrate her life because she constantly celebrates mine even when it isn't my birthday.) I love you you are my sister always and forever.  But seriously ladies; be mindful.  Feel your boobies, don't hide any pain ever. Express yourself. Get Checked. And regardless of any result YOU ARE NOT ALONE.