Life Jackets.

One of the most interesting albeit  unfortunate, things I learned this summer is that almost all trademark cliches are utter bullshit. I know it sounds weird to say, especially for me. How could someone who is so aware of the world around them even fall for any of that? First and foremost, I'm a sucker for a mantra. Some of greatest women I've ever come to love and myself, created one in our youth that I STILL carry with me to this day. Besides, who doesn't enjoy having little phrases of hope to live by? These cliches that we use to get by in life,  we say them and choose to believe them. Haboring the mindset that being a good person and staying positive is all you really need to get everything your heart desires. We all know that's not necessarily true. Well at least the realist inside of us does. I don't even know where to begin, there are SO many cliches. They all carry pure intent, but one learns over time that that's all they are. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" Seriously? So you mean to tell me, the more I stay away from a person and keep myself out of their everyday routine, the more they'll think about me and want to talk to me. I don't think so.  If they possess that crafty 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality, then without you there to help them bask in your greatness then you're  pretty much, SOL in that circumstance. Okay another one, "Actions speak louder than words" *Inward Sigh* The thing about this one is that I actually agree,  with it. Even so, this is still crap because even though people SAY this and ideally what you show someone SHOULD be more important then what you say that's not always the case. Due to the fact that,  while actions can be forgotten, words whether spoken or written can be immortalized. One could  spend their whole entire life DOING a million things for the person that they love to show how much they care. That being said, the moment they SAY no, the moment they SAY  they can't, or they won't THAT is the moment that is felt the hardest and therefore remembered the best, despite all of the previous love shown. Okay what's next? Hmm. "Everything happens for a reason" Personally, this one annoys the living shit out of me. First off, it's not always accurate. Something's are just senseless, some things weren't meant to happen but they did anyway, some things are not necessarily meant to be understood. Secondly, the fact people tend to say this to another person after an unbearable tragedy strikes, sucks. If a person just lost a family member, or a friend the default thing to say is "I'm sorry for your loss" Saying "everything happens for a reason" is not only ridiculous but insensitive as hell. Especially if you don't plan on offering up what that reason is. Nobody wants to hear that. There are sooooo much more cliches, I want to touch on   but then I'd be here all day. I'm just going to finish this post with the cliche that I hate the more than any other cue mental drumroll "The truth shall set you free" This one here, makes me want to start a purge. It's a lovely thought obviously, but it is also a boldfaced LIE. Most people say they want the truth and that may be accurate at the time. However, the truth is so powerful that it doesn't always feel the best to be on the recieving end of it. People tend to freak out from the sting of it. That's why there's always the universal "At least I was honest/That doesn't't mean you didn't hurt me" conversation. Whether the truth is wanted or not people can't handle it without feeling even the tinest bit bothered by it. So letting the truth be known does NOT "set you free." It just means you're honest. But at what cost exactly? Telling the truth makes you a prisoner of your own honesty. Telling the truth isn't always pretty so it is never without consequence. All the best deeds tend to be punished. People may respect you more for your honesty but that has nothing to do with being enjoyed, admired and/or loved. You could lose everything you ever had and/or wanted just by gaining truth. That in no way means that I am condoning dishonesty, but I  AM admitting that I do recognize the perks, however temporary.  No matter how flawed these cliches seem to be, we hold on to them. We rely on them to bring us peace of mind when such a thing is harder than ever to find. Annoying as it may be, there's no shame in needing life jacket to help stay afloat.

Gravel.

Being driven by nature is usually a really cool thing to be . Usually. All the way up until someone comes across something they can't have. Until the very moment they realize they  may have met their match . Being driven, one tends to get what they want, when they want it, the way they want it. But what if one is so invested, so blinded by what they want that they can't even see  that they're playing a losing game?  Sometimes, even the most driven miss out. What people don't realize is that no one is born driven. Drive is observed, respected and then duplicated. A big part of having drive is the fear of being afraid. In order to exude drive successfully, one has to fear not taking a risk more than they fear taking one. Bravery and drive go hand-in-hand. Simply because there is never a guarantee that one will actually receive what they are going above and beyond to attain. Nonetheless, uncertainty should never halt the attempt. If trying doesn't exist neither does  achievement. Not trying to do something, in my opinion , is worse than failing at doing it. I say this because at least, if one doesn't  get what they want despite making the effort to, no one can say they didn't. Walking away can be dignified. If they make the choice to cower away from what they really want then they mustn't have wanted it as bad as they thought they did. In turn, reserving no rights to complain about the lack of, said desire. Either street one decides to take, there's a lesson hidden in the gravel somewhere. Finding and comprehending what it all means is where the real difficulty lies.

The Sky Is Blue.

Happy September!! I hope everyone had a great summer. I put my blog on hiatus these past few months to actually enjoy myself. Unfortunately, things didn't quite go  as planned but at least I got a few great things to write about out of it. I learned some new things this summer  and more importantly some of the notions I already  choose to live by were reaffirmed as well. I've always prided myself on keeping  my heart sort of hidden from a person until I felt that they'd earned it. I did and will continue to do that because people say things like "I love you" the way they say "the sky is blue." Some people of my generation and forward don't seem to grasp the fact that those words, especially when spoken romantically, including  the actions that follow, should not be for just anyone. Some people are so hellbent on getting a label out of a person. So beyond eager to claim and be claimed, to have a beloved "title"that it wouldn't even occur to them  that the title they are dying to get and/or give to a person does NOT match the story that is being played out between them. Which is why I barely believe in labels to begin with. A title does not a relationship make. The actions that follow, the love felt in the movements during the times that words aren't spoken. That is the essence of a relationship.  That's not to say I'm going to sit around bashing labels, it's clear that patriarchal western civilization is  really into them. But I feel like labels and any plans that come with them are not something to be given away on something immature.  Like a crush or someone who is merely a "good time." I also feel like just because a person doesn't believe in labels doesn't mean they don't deserve loyalty. Especially if said loyalty is being reciprocated. Loyalty is sticking to a commitment you made with one person not taking their love and using it as the fuel for one to give love to someone else, who didn't earn it. That is disrespectful, to say the least. For a while this summer I found myself wandering from my original standpoint on the insignificance of labels and trying to see things from the other side of the spectrum. But I realize now, if a person loves you and wants you the way you want them. That will be felt. If a person does not want you, no amount of commitment you give to them in whatever label you are under will change their mind. If someone wants YOU to be their main focus, you will be and nothing and noone in the world can change that.  People have to start coming to terms with the fact that you cannot force anyone to be loyal to you. No matter the excuses. NOONE can make anyone do what they dont want to do. It's a shame to because most people tend to destroy the hearts of those who are best for them, but that's neither here nor there. The most you can do going forward is to accept the person for what they are, love with caution and hopefully find someone who values and desires you as much as you value and desire them. Regardless of all else.

The Epic Middle Finger.

Lesson of the day kids, do not ever live your life based off of the way someone else thinks you should. If you are a responsible, respectable, mature human being you're doing okay.  You don't owe anyone anything more than that. If you are not killing anyone, or causing injury to another living being in any way shape or form, your life is just fine. If you can afford to eat, pay your phone bill and have a clean pair of underwear on, you are doing an excellent job at life. Do not let ANYONE or anyone's opinion make you feel less than what you are. It is no one's  business how much money you have in YOUR  pocket, or how you attain it for that matter. It is human nature to do whatever it is you have to do to survive. If people have qualms about that because they feel like you're not good enough for them or the people that you keep around you, that is their issue NOT yours. If your mom treats your little cousin better than you because your little cousin graduated from college and that's what she thinks you should do then OH FUCKING WELL.  If you think getting knowledge in a non institutionalized way is better, then honestly fuck anything else. If your significant other's parents make you feel like you're a deadbeat because according to them you don't work as hard as their precious baby, practice selective deafness. More than likely, they're  unaware of the complete and utter bullshit that you have to put up with from their "precious baby" on the daily basis. On top of maintaining one's own physical, mental and emotional stability. I'm truly EXHAUSTED with the mere notion that people think they're ENTITLED  to push their  opinion on you and you are OBLIGATED to comply. People can actually go  all the way to hell, without a drop of iced water with that load of  genuine crap. Noone  wants an opinion that wasn't  requested prior. Kindly, shut the hell up. Furthermore, it also makes a person think and wonder what is said about them  and their  situation  in their absence. Like is there a whole council that discusses the state of people's  individual prosperity over tea? Tuh! If so it would only be suitable to invite the guest of honor. Or should I say dishonor? Whatever floats. How other people see you and how other people feel about you is not your business. If they aren't  fucking, feeding or financing you, their words should come across as white noise to a  sleepy spirit. Barely audible and no where near relevant. Period.

The Invasion: A Love Letter.

I was struck with the notion this morning, that people are really uncultured. Too many people don't know about where the goods of this world really come from. There's a lot of different variations for the term "goods" but in this case I'm talking about music. Along with the writing and artistry and advocation, I also like to sing. A lot of my friends and family say I'm pretty good but the jury still out on that one. Anyway, one thing that most people don't know about me personally. is that I  have a deep and unwavering respect for the 60's British Invasion. The bands from that era, my goodness, the sound. Honestly speaking, the main reason I adore the British Invasion as  much as I do because if it weren't for THEM;  Dave Clark Five, Gerry and the Pacemakers, The Rolling Stones, The Who, and my beloved Beatles NO ONE  outside of black culture would  even KNOW and/or APPRECIATE  the black sound of that time. It was the Bristish Invasion that went to the black artist of that time and said "Hey that sound is groovy would you mind terribly if we  sung too or used pieces of it as inspiration for what we want to give to the world?" Or at least that's how I imagine it went. Truthfully, before the Bristish Invasion, white  AMERICAN artist of that era DID NOT  ask for permission to cover and/or sample the black sound. They simply remade the song and pretended the black version didn't exist. The British Invasion didn't try to ERASE us they simply paid homage and respectfully at that.  In fact, The Beatles worked exclusively with Smokey Robinson and wrote HIM a song as a thank you for letting them cover one of his. Gotta love those guys. Seriously though, my love for the British Invasion is insurmountable because they helped the Black, soul, R&B sound go mainstream while simultaneously blurring the color lines. There was no longer white  music or black music...just music. For that I will always be grateful. And let's face facts really, Beatle Mania knew NO complexion. They were everywhere, rich or poor, black or white. It was nationwide. Sigh. I STILL want somebody to hold my hand as bad as John wanted to. ❤

Drugs.

Earlier today I was reading about this really amazing guy. For the life of me, his name won't come back to me, and I wish it would.  Anyway, this guy is an artist who painted an array of faces based on  the effect of different drugs. I was immediately intrigued. When I finally went through the gallery of photos they blew me away. As I continued to read the actual story I read the artist took some of the drugs that he manifested into works of art. Knowing that sort of concerned me, (how can you even take drugs like LSD and Codiene and simply walk away?) but then it made me all the more convinced of his talent because it seems he captured everyone of the dependencies  perfectly. Interestingly enough, it was the last installment that stayed with me the most. His last drug of choice was love. His painting of the brain stimulated by love and what I'm assuming what it looks like in the mind when it is in love, legitimately made my eyes water. At first, I didn't quite understand why he would choose love and express in terms of a sort of contraband. But I would be being  naive to say that love, falling into it and surviving through it is not a mind-altering experience. Love is a very powerful thing. Making the most sane people irrational while simultaneously bringing clarity to even the most cluttered minds. I think it's really brilliant  that, falling and being in love doesn't feel the same with every new person we decide to to take that risk for. With one person, falling in love can feel like a light breeze and sunshine on your face. Another person can make you feel something entirely different. The more I think about it,the more I realize this guy was really on to something. Not everyone is going to react to the same drug in the same way, every single time. Why should love be any different? In my few experiences with the subject, falling in love felt calm, soothing, giddy and warm open. In my most recent experience, it's sort of like drowning and getting the opportunity to take in air at the same time. Painful  and scary divine and wonderful all at once. So I guess in a way, the artist guy really did hit the nail on the head. Love is trippy, but worth it if you do it right.

Slap In The Face.

Unapologetically speaking, anyone that gives me an excuse as to why they've been so absentee in my life; friend, family, significant other, whoever, that is the automatic signal to me, that it is cut off time. If said individuals reasoning, doesn't involve life or death circumstances for them or someone in their family  OR  the struggle of low monetary means, then I don't want to hear it. Even the monetary means situation is relative because  in my  personal experience,  if I want to spend time with a person but they cant get to me because they have no money, then more than likely I'll offer to pay for the travel. If that is indeed the case and I'm offering to pay then the next sentence should be "I'm on my way."  Even if a person  lived too far to get to me EVERY SINGLE TIME  then the communication should be relatively consistent.  We have too much technology in this day and age to not have complete tabs on our loved ones. If your presence is lacking in my life one way or another then honestly at that point your presence will no longer be wanted anyway. I wish everybody I loved  thought how I did when it came to this subject. I say this because, there's me, the ever-loving friend, companion whoever, always on deck and more than ready to be supportive and alert and present. There's not a day that goes by that I dont check in on at least four people I love. Even the ones I dont see often will have a random I love you via test or inbox waiting for them frequently enough. Those same loved ones that I go above and beyond for are most times oblivious to it. The reason being is because nine times out of ten they have their energy invested into someone who is not as invested in them. Being the one who is always invested, all the time, dealing with this blatant disrespect becomes hurtful as well as annoying. I'm always going to tell my loved ones how much I care about them. I'm always make sure my loved ones have eaten and that they're healthy and emotionally stable. No matter what. The same loved ones will be waiting on that same treatment from someone who wasn't even thinking about them long enough to send out a quick "You Okay?" text. Months will go by with no word, and still excuses will be made. It's really so fucked up. Seemingly, stopping the world for the person that treats you like shit, while not even fully appreciating the one person that is constantly there.

SIDEBAR: Yes, even if a person hasn't done anything to outwardly hurt you, or haven't made you feel like scum in recent memory, if THEY can go days, weeks or even months without talking to you or at the very least checking in after YOU have tried on NUMEROUS occasions then that person IS INDEED TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP!! NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT.

To accept that terrible  behavior and still even TRY to reach them all the while ignoring the effort in front of you, or treating it lightly, is like a punch to the gut or a slap in the face. I'll be the first to remind you, no one enjoys being beaten up.