The "Special" Blues

As children, we were told  that being unique is the best thing you can be. Whenever one begins to feel out of place, or like we're about to make a complete mess of things, the first thing any adult tells us is " just be yourself". I guess that's fine when you're prepubescent and trying to get your first crush to notice you. Or possibly doing your very best to  not be the only girl sitting by herself at the sleepover. To be honest though, being unique, being different is not as easy when you become all grown up. It's days like today where I just find myself feeling incredibly lonely.  Although I've found many wonderful things to be grateful for, sometimes it feels like my "uniqueness" and everything that makes me different from everyone else is more of a burden than a blessing. It is hard to be twenty-two, for any twenty-two old really. It's like that weird place where you know you're not a kid anymore, but you still feel like one because no one legitimately sees you as an adult yet. Probably because every time you speak to an ACTUAL adult they call you a baby. Babies who have to pay bills and be responsible and all that other crap that teenagers don't have to deal with. But hey at least we can drink now, well...legally. Still, it's pretty much a bumpy ride for everyone between the ages of 21and 28. ( Let's face it by 29 you should have your shit together, and if not, Shame On You!! No I'm kidding.😊 Kind of.) It just really sucks sometimes though, things are already hard enough because I'm in my twenties. Having physical hinderances, is like adding insult to injury. I know, I know I'm supposed to be positive and think about all the great things I have in my life and my life IS indeed wonderful. It just gets really hard sometimes, because being different can be very isolating, Cerebal Palsy and pain from breast mass is no cakewalk. Sometimes, it can feel like there's no point in being in my twenties if I can't live life the way I want to. Being an idiot, having fun, making memories and finding myself is what its all about. It seems I can't even do that peoperly alot of the time. These days, I find myself by myself with only a fever or presistant nausea/body aches to accompany me. I'm not going to go into the gory details because I'm not in the mood to gross myself out. However, I do know that being "different" and "special" and "brave" and "unique" in your 20s is not all its cracked up to be. All I can do is be happy I made it this far and hope for easier days ahead. It seems to be the only choice I have.