Bound To

I'm slowly learning that real love goes through real changes. In the beginning there's the honeymoon phase where everything the other person does is absolutely wonderful and you can't seem to spend a minute without them. And the thought of doing exactly that brings on anxiety coupled with a mini conniption. Time goes on and you eventually remove the love goggles and start to see actual flaws. It is then you have to decide whether you can handle what is being presented in front of you. From my experience it is a HUGE mistake to try and mold what's in front of you into some unrealistic figment you believe it should be. What is there was there BEFORE you got there and will be ever standing LONG after you leave.  Soon enough however, even more time goes by and you've settled into the groove  that is a seasoned relationship. The courtesy of remaining 'primped and proper' has vanished replaced by sweatpants tube socks and oversized t-shirts. It's refreshing though, because all that's left is honesty and comfort. Those are two things that should NEVER fade aside from the love(that goes without saying). I've also come to realize that it's detrimental to keep things fresh, play games. Put new twist and spins on you're relationship to bring you and your significant other closer together. It's really all about revitalization. And I guess if you do find yourself stuck in a relationship rut of sorts, take a step back and broaden your horizons. Yet and still, remain upfront with your loved one. That way you can fully affirm that where you are and who your with now is exactly where you want to be. Simply put if the  relationship means anything at all, or just about anything worthy of interest for that matter, you must do the work to keep it strong and happy. Understand that it is sooo easy to fall in love, keeping the love is where the adversity lies.

Junkie

Hey you guys I've been so preoccupied with the soap opera that is my life, I've fallen back into my semi ignorant pattern of half way neglect. Forgive me. This summer has been so topsy turvy and with August in full swing it seems like it just  dragged out and flew by all in the same instance. Anyways I'm having one of those one track mind type of days. Where I can't  seem to stop thinking about something even though I rather not be thinking at all. So naturally I'm going to blog about it to get it out of my system. Oddly enough it ties into one of my blogs from a while back "Id the Dominant." Unfortunately the basic morale of that blog keeps popping up for me this summer. Less on the matter of conscious or subconscious control and more on self control period. Knowing when you have too much or not enough of it. When obeying the Id and being carnal becomes all consuming, and suddenly it registers that  you most likely should back away and reassess  your actions. Of course at that point whatever the indulgence is feels too good and you can't pull away. There's a word for that isn't it? Yes. It's called Addiction. The definition for the word itself is as follows:
 the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. That's some deep shit. Simply because in a nutshell one would be the  sole creator of his/her own misery. Because we all know constantly being pulled in to a place that feels so damn good that just the thought of being without it literally destroys you is purgatory to say the least. But of course I know their are many individuals out there who are smartasses like me and question any and everything.  I'm 99.9% sure one of your inquisitive little minds is reading this like "well how do you even know if you're addicted to something?" Well I'm no expert but I can honestly say if one has to question whether they have a chronic lack of self control there's an obvious issue present. Even so, it's all easier said that done because clearly no matter what it may be said addiction feels impossible to quell. No one wants to lose the rush of receiving something they crave so detrimentally even when they know damn well they shouldn't be craving it. How would one even go about weaning themselves off of something that seems to have a death grip on their very being? Just the thought of that extra special something gets your breathing labored, skin boiling and turns your mind to mush. The wanting, sometimes so overbearingly intense you find yourselves not even able to properly function until you get your fix. As difficult as all of that may be that's is hardly the most prominent adversity to conquer.  It's not about identifying or not being able to  hold one's addiction at bay, it's about the possibility of one not wanting to rid themselves of the addiction so hastily. What if you don't want it to end, whether it needs  to or  otherwise. The road is bumpy, and the line is thin, but the choice is yours and yours alone.

Delicate

My Ultra sensitivity is a gift and a curse. My empathy and compassion are otherworldly.  I love ferociously and I have been told that my laugh is contagious. However, when I feel slighted, oh boy when I feel slighted. It takes forever for the wounds to heal and any little infraction can reopen them and pour the salt in. I don't know why I'm this way, I can most likely blame my nutcase biologicals, but as I older I only seem to get a little more psycho so I guess I can only blame them 99.9%. I'm already comfortable with not being the perfect person because no one is but I don't like being taken for granted. Don't become so used to my unwavering loyalty and then decide because you believe I'll always be around to completely forget the kind of person that I am. That's not fair to anyone who has stood by a friend rain or shine just for them to act as if they barely exist anymore. I don't know, I honestly feel like nothing should hinder or jilt a friendship that is true. Especially if it's long standing and NEVER for a significant other. The only way that situation could even be properly accepted is if one has known their significant other longer than said friend. And even with that comes a certain set of boundaries. But if the latter situation does not apply and one is treating a friendship as if it does, that is blatantlying dead wrong. I do understand that the whole ordeal is a very sticky thing to be apart of because naturally  any half decent person wants to please everybody  involved knowing that the feat is virtually impossible. That being said, try making the person whose going to be there whether the significant other last or not happy. Because it sucks when things don't work out and you need a friend, only to realize you let them fade away long ago. From there it's a sad road because one is a lonely number. All in all I guess my point is; be careful and be grateful.

King

As you can obviously tell I've been a little absentee this week, I've injured my leg and I was suffering from a bit of writer's block. But today I'm inspired, its my little brothers birthday. He is seven today. My little brother or Maj as I call him affectionately, has autism. He doesn't communicate verbally as well as he should and society most likely won't  ever see him as a "normal"child. But to me, my little brother nothing less then a blessing. Maj is so smart, such a happy and vibrant young soul. He's  taught me what it really means to love someone unconditionally, no matter what their vices may be . Now granted, I know what it's like to be different, I have some abnormalities of my own.  But to see the joy in his eyes despite whatever issues may arise makes me feel like finding good is possible in anything. Now I'm not saying I'm happy that he's autistic, I would love to one day have a full blown conversation with my little brother and figure out what runs through his mind and what makes him smile. However, I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Considering the bitter truth that my mother is better at being single minded than being an actual parent, the mental to delay that is his autism in my humble opinion, is a kind shield from her pestilence. He will never know the pain of a mother loving herself more than her child. He won't know enough to be heartbroken or disappointed. As sad as his autism makes me on occasion, it warms my heart to know that he will always be protected in the comfort of his whimsical innocence. And over all else I will be there for him as much as possible, I am unbelievably proud to be his  big sister.

The Motive

Everybody works. Kids step out to learn elementary, middle school, high school and college for the overall goal of being successful.  That's a very honest and noble goal. But to be frank, I'm starting to realize the people equate being successful with the amount of money that they make. Now granted, everyone wants to be comfortable enough to not have to worry about bills and what they're going to do for the next month or groceries and things like that. However, money should not be the most important thing in the world to a person. Money makes things easier I agree, but say you make all that money and are the most successful person out there are you have no one to share it with. makes all the hard work and everything you've achieved pointless at the end of the day. You can't cuddle up with your dollar bills. I guess the point I'm trying to make is there are things in life that are more important than money or the act of making it for that matter. Your love ones your health, your overall well-being should be more important than any of you could ever make. If you don't have anyone by your side when you're making all this money, then what exactly are you making it for? And if you do have someone special in your life, it's important to treat them as if they are. To let them know that no amount of money, can replace the joy and the significance they bring into your life.  that should be one of the most detrimental things on one's mind when they are out tune with the need to do to be a better person. For every successful person there is another person constantly cheering them on and not allowing them to give up. It's important to realize that, because really wants to go unnoticed, and no one wants to feel uncared for.

Work Of Art?

Hi you guys, I  hope you had a wonderful 4th of July. Even though this weather was not cooperating at all, I hope you still made the best of it. It has come to my attention that people are getting really outta line with this whole 'sexy felon' thing. First of all, in MY opinion, he's really not all that. In fact, his best feature are his eyes. People are acting like he is the best thing since Michaelangelo's 'David'. Even if he is handsome, the extent to which people are taking this is C O M P L E T E L Y inappropriate. Aside from the fact this whole situation is highly unethical, no-one should be able to skate by unpunished for doing things that they damn well  is illegal. This gets under my skin so deeply that just recently I posted this to FB:

"Boyyyyyyyyyy, ya'll have absolutely NO CHILL. It was all "good" when the handsome criminal "only" had a gun charge  and ya was drooling, but now ya'll find out he got a rape of a minor charge attached and ya'll gonna say "He can rape me any time" "Just cause he did something bad, doesn't take away his sexiness". "He can be my cellmate". So as long as a person has some looks they can commit whatever crime they want and ya'll will just smile? What in the flying fuck? This is what it's come to? This is not only OUTTA LINE but also IGNORANT AS SHIT. I'm sure it wasn't a fun experience for whoever's daughter he destroyed.  Bigger Picture People. Do me a favor, and get ya'll fuckin life. Please and Thank You In Advance"

Clearly you can see I was angry but that doesn't make what I was saying any less valid. Like where is the line? And why is it always being crossed? What kind of message does that send to the children of the future? Crime is okay as long as the majority of society finds you attractive?? So if the Hunchback of Notre Dame walked around slicing the throats of old ladies, then and only then do we act appalled and see the crime for what is actually is???? Which is EVIL if no-one is grasping what I'm saying. Instead of making stupid jokes about bailing him out for a date or getting on his visitors list for conjugal fun, society needs to be praying for that little girl and her family. Jeremy Meeks is a criminal, not Fabio. Do better people. Please.

Bikini Love

Happy July Everyone! Summer is definitely underway, time for some wet and wild shenanigans. Today for some reason I can't stop thinking about weight. During the summer a lot of pretty girls want to have their body out. You know with the cute little outfits and their cute little bathing suits and that's just great. However this is a very insecure time  for the girls of a thicker nature. There's a lot of don'ts for the bigger girls. Don't wear anything mini below the waist, don't wear crop tops, don't wear anything too tight and definitely don't wear a two piece. You know what I say to the people who are condoning these "don'ts"  Shut up and take that bullshit somewhere else. No-one has the right to tell anyone what to wear or how to wear it. It's the freakin summer time and the thicker girls, myself included are not going to wear turtle necks to appease anyone else. Not to say I'm gonna go nuts and get my Miley outfit on but I am saying I would if I wanted to. Because it's no-one's choice but mine. Everyone is a different version of gorgeous. And we need work  together to build  eachother up instead of ripping each apart. It would make the summer all the more fun. Anyway ya'll can break out the water balloons now.