Accessories

I had such a lovely Thanksgiving weekend. I had the chance to relax, laugh, and most importantly stuff my face with two of the people I love most in this world. Best of all, I had the chance to bring in my first holiday in my new home. I can honestly tell you there is no one more grateful than I, for the pure blessings that I have received this year. Although it started off as a rough one, I can see now that it's ending strong. Only to prepare me to bring in 2016 even stronger. I am super excited. Not to say that this year hasn't had its trials and tribulations and I'm sure I will experience way more next year, but I am estatic nonetheless. Having love in my life,  romantic and otherwise, has helped me become equipped for whatever comes my way. I'm stoked for the holidays, and I know I'm way too old to believe in Santa but I know I'm going to have a jolly Christmas this year. I woke up this morning feeling amazing. Wait I don't get to express that often so I'm going to write that again: 
I woke up this morning feeling amazing.

Not only that, it wasn't just a fleeting feeling. I felt amazing ALL DAY. And it showed. I was smiling, I took pictures and I even played with a little makeup.  Everybody knows  I'm usually on team fresh-faced 24/7 but I was feeling sassy. Honestly there's nothing in the whole world better than reconnecting with your TRUE loved ones because they remind you of the best qualities within yourself. When you remember how awesome you are it is so easy to just carry it around with you, like a really pretty scarf or a gorgeous purse. And it is definitely true that when you feel down it's easier said than done to pull yourself up. However, there is no harm in getting a helpful, loving, sometimes blunt reminder that You ARE the shit. No if ands or buts about it. The really great things, like love, happiness and inner beauty never go out of style. Confidence, no matter how difficult it can be to maintain sometimes, is your best accessory. Next to a FABULOUS lipstick that is...

Toi d'abord (You, First)

I would be lying if I said I didn't have things in my life that I  wish I could have done differently. Everyone has a situation or two that just went completely  left. There is absolutely no shame in acknowledging that we are imperfect. I'm starting to learn that it's not really  the 'being perfect' moments that count, it's how you salvage things AFTER the proverbial shit has hit the fan. It's all about how you mend what you may have damaged, and the effort you take and being a better person going forward. Humans come with tempers, tears and sometimes just straight disrespect, but some of these humans, we actually really love. As awesome as it would be to just forget about everyone who ever hurt you and just live your life never caring, it's impossible. Everyone cares about someone, even they don't even know it yet. On the other side of the spectrum though, if one has tried on numerous occasions to make things right, only to get consistently shunned, then they have all right to let go. I believe many people thrive on longevity and blood relation to hurt others without consequence. You may have known someone for a long time, or you may be related to someone and they may be someone you truly care for, but if you have done all you can do Stop Doing It. If you made a mistake and you were woman or man enough to apologize and they are not ready to forgive you yet, it is no longer your job to hold on to the situation. Especially, if you apologized and you don't even think you did anything wrong. Blood or otherwise you don't owe anyone anything because at the end of the day you did not ask to be here. And by here I mean on this earth. I hate that people say "oh you only get one set of parents", "you only get one true love", "you only get one best friend." Golden Rule: treat people how you would like to be treated. Nothing more nothing less. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not going to sit around and beat myself up, beg people to be in my life, and beg people to come see me. Not me. It's not about pride, it's about self worth. You are worth way more then having to beg somebody for their company, having to beg somebody for forgiveness when you've done your part. I rather have endless nights by myself then to plead for anybody, family or otherwise to be in my life. It took me a long time to realize that. Seriously though, we as people have to love ourselves more than that. To bring my point home even further, everyone knows that it's not blood that makes you family either. Blood has nothing to do with kinship. As a person, who is fully invested in his or her own happiness, go where the positivity is. If you don't want to deal with your biologicals because they make you miserable, you do NOT have to. Be free to live your life the way you want to. No apologies. Be the best version of yourself, the way only you can. Go wherever your face lights up. You owe noone, not one explanation. Find joy whatever you can get it because THAT is what counts the most when all is said and done. Carpe diem.

LBGTQIssues

I had a very interesting talk with a good friend of mine today. It started off as per normal, jokes, memories, all that fun stuff. We  discussed celebrities and claimed different ones as "ours", completely content with our delusion. Shortly after, the conversation had taken a really weird turn. My good friend, someone who I've known for quite some time proceeded to say
" You know, I just don't get it, not one bit"
Utterly confused, I asked her what on earth she was referring to. She'd cut me off while I was in the middle of gushing over B.J. Britt a.ka. "PJ" via 'Being Mary Jane'(I ADORE his bald chocolate self). Anyway, I waited for a response but she just sucked her teeth.  By that point I was getting fustrated, so I sternly told her to spit it out. I will say, I was not uyprepared for what came next. Which was this:
"You bisexuals really gross me out sometimes, I don't know how y'all can sit and gush about penis one minute, and then say how sexy a girl is the next. Y'all just can't seem to make up your minds, probably cause y'all greedy"
I was so stunned, that I kind of started laughing. I was hoping she would tell me she was being playful so we could continue our conversation. Unfortunately though, she was dead serious. Did I mention my good friend is a lesbian? No,right? What is that anyway? What's the deal with some lesbians being so judgmental about bisexual girls? Funny enough, that's the same question I posed to my friend. And her response was
"I call it how I see it"
From that moment on, I was pissed. First off, quick question, who gives anyone the right to judge anyone based on their sexual preference? I don't know what it is with some lesbians,  note I said SOME NOT ALL but some are really intense about that. As if me being attracted to both women AND men is a direct attack against "lesbianhood." Clearly me enjoying men the way I enjoy women, is a precise and deliberate insult to all the gay women that have a problem with it. No. Just no. Like not even a little bit. To be honest, I could care less what anyone else thinks. Still though, it's levels to this, which is what I went on to tell my friend. I calmly reminded her that the same way she's judging bisexuals for being attracted to both genders, is the same way a lot of heterosexual, not-so- liberal people, judge her for being a lesbian. Even though I was speaking calmly, I was more than through with the conversation, so I politely said my goodbyes. After digesting and analyzing how I felt about the situation, I  vented to another one of my friends ( who coincidentally, is also lesbian). Yes, I too am thinking that I know ALOT of lesbians.  Moving on. Not surprisingly, she was equally judgmental about her stance on bisexuality.  I asked her why and her response was, I kid you not:
"I just prefer to date other lesbians, it's really gross to put my mouth where a penis has been. That's nasty to me"
That completely blew my mind, for more than one reason. Not to air out anyone's laundry, but I haven't written her name so its okay. This is the same lesbian, that openly expresses the joy of, how should I put this gently, "eating booty like groceries" No exaggeration. According to her, there's no shame in her game. And you know what, that's totally okay. Whatever rocks your boat is what you should do. That being said, you don't hear me saying " oh you should never be allowed to kiss people, when you come to my house you're going to have your own special plate and fork.  I can't bear the idea of eating off of the same plate as someone who enjoys licking around someone's anus." Like seriously, grow up.  We are all grown, we all do freaky things in the bedroom(I hope) and we all have our preferences as to who we do them with. That does not give anyone the right to disrespect or say anything insulting anyone else. There's the lovely invention of soap and toothpaste, and guess what, water's free!! So, we as human beings, can scrub all those icky germs away BEFORE we do anything sexual with the next person we may choose. Awesome, right? I truly think some lesbians think that because they are part of the community  they  have a free pass to be hateful. Well I'm here to let everyone know THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS!!!! Be hateful if you want to and you will find yourself, by yourself. We as a whole, have fought so hard to be seen as actual people, with actual feelings by people from the outside looking in. Being hurtful, and cruel and judgemental within our own safe space, why would you want to be counterproductive? If we can't respect each other, why should anyone else even consider getting to know what we're about? If no one is considering, growth is stunted and we've come too far to be back at square one. For real.

Great Expectations

There's a severe increase  of wonderful individuals out there feeling insignificant.  People are down in the dumps based off the actions or reactions of someone else. Too many warm-hearted do gooders, go above and beyond for people who won't even do the bare minimum for them. The real tragedy though, is not the fact that most people do things in this world without getting the proper recognition. Or even the fact that the person one pulls out all the stops for, doesn't value them enough to do the same. The part of this whole crappy cycle that hurts the most is: Expectation. People do nice things for each other, they EXPECT gratitude. A person can treat their significant other like art in human form, that person EXPECTS the same treatment in return. One can sacrifice his or her whole life to ensure the growth and happiness of all that he or she loves, EXPECTING nothing less than excellence and joy, only to be sorely heartbroken later down the line. I've learned the hard way this past week, just because something is EXPECTED does NOT mean it is guaranteed. Two great conceptualizations people tend to misconstrue, which often results in crippling disappointment. There are two definitions to the word expectation, they're both essentially saying the same thing;

ex·pec·ta·tion/ˌekspekˈtāSH(ə)n/

noun

a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

Either way, that translates into someone being highly upset when they allow their emotional well-being to be tied to what someone else may or may not do. To be perfectly honest, that is FAR from the way things should as well as NEED to be. Once again, how you treat a person is not gauranteed to have any impact on the way they treat you. Sad but true.  One can not control person's  actions towards them anymore then they can control the weather. The faster everyone realizes this, the less watery eyes and mopey faces there will be.

Boo! Taboo?

I don't feel well today. For a number of reasons actually, but one of these reasons will last me another four to  six days.  Technically, I'm already on day two so it'll be like, three to five days. If you haven't caught on by now, I'm on my period. Now I know there's some people out there already scrunching their face up. But that's a part of my issue, the world's issue in general. We live in a world, where it's okay to watch TV and listen to music that constantly  and BLATANTLY shows naked females and brags about disrespecting them. Ridiculously  boasting about making money and having lots of fantastic rich people sex, but aknowledging and discussing menstruation is going a step too far. How the hell does that make sense? Is it because one is less sexy than the other? Does it turn men off to think about the women that they want to bed,  bleeding for a week, once a month? You know what, its not only the men either. There are some very deluded and childish women out there who commend and condone men making menstruation a hushed topic. Those are the same type of woman who WHISPER when they ask for a pad or tampon in a public bathroom. I'm sorry but what are we whispering for, exactly? Are we committing a crime? Are we gossiping? Is menstruation NOT a part of everyday life? No?  I must have missed that memo. All I know is, I bleed. Sometimes heavily, sometimes lightly, sometimes when a month has 31 days, I'll bleed twice, just to make sure we have all the bases covered. On occasion, when I'm really stressed, I won't bleed at all. Eventually though, and naturally so, the blood will ALWAYS return. Is it fun? Hell no. Especially when you experience pain like mine. Aches, bloating, fatigue, nausea, (that very well can lead to vomiting) and cramps. Cramps that are out of this FUCKING world. It is nowhere near enjoyable, probably the last thing ever I will want to do, right up there with dying a very violent death and eating bodily waste. It sucks. But that doesn't make it any less a part of life. Menstruation is natural. Menstruation is NOT taboo. Menstruation is not stopping, hiding or going anywhere. Accept it, respect it, cope with it, deal with it. Seriously. It's not 'Silence of the Lambs' remix or something. We as women, had sex all month, and we didn't get pregnant. Yay, for some of us, better luck next month for others. Our uterus lining, also known as, the little nest where the baby was supposed to be, is SHEDDING. Congratulations Ladies and Gentlemen, women's bodies work the way they are supposed to. All together now, YAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Menstruation is as natural as moving your bowels. Everyone shits, right? A person would be quite odd and probably dead, if they didn't. Women are  soooo amazing and super spectacular  because we can do BOTH. Simultaneously!!!!! Chew on that.

The "Special" Blues

As children, we were told  that being unique is the best thing you can be. Whenever one begins to feel out of place, or like we're about to make a complete mess of things, the first thing any adult tells us is " just be yourself". I guess that's fine when you're prepubescent and trying to get your first crush to notice you. Or possibly doing your very best to  not be the only girl sitting by herself at the sleepover. To be honest though, being unique, being different is not as easy when you become all grown up. It's days like today where I just find myself feeling incredibly lonely.  Although I've found many wonderful things to be grateful for, sometimes it feels like my "uniqueness" and everything that makes me different from everyone else is more of a burden than a blessing. It is hard to be twenty-two, for any twenty-two old really. It's like that weird place where you know you're not a kid anymore, but you still feel like one because no one legitimately sees you as an adult yet. Probably because every time you speak to an ACTUAL adult they call you a baby. Babies who have to pay bills and be responsible and all that other crap that teenagers don't have to deal with. But hey at least we can drink now, well...legally. Still, it's pretty much a bumpy ride for everyone between the ages of 21and 28. ( Let's face it by 29 you should have your shit together, and if not, Shame On You!! No I'm kidding.😊 Kind of.) It just really sucks sometimes though, things are already hard enough because I'm in my twenties. Having physical hinderances, is like adding insult to injury. I know, I know I'm supposed to be positive and think about all the great things I have in my life and my life IS indeed wonderful. It just gets really hard sometimes, because being different can be very isolating, Cerebal Palsy and pain from breast mass is no cakewalk. Sometimes, it can feel like there's no point in being in my twenties if I can't live life the way I want to. Being an idiot, having fun, making memories and finding myself is what its all about. It seems I can't even do that peoperly alot of the time. These days, I find myself by myself with only a fever or presistant nausea/body aches to accompany me. I'm not going to go into the gory details because I'm not in the mood to gross myself out. However, I do know that being "different" and "special" and "brave" and "unique" in your 20s is not all its cracked up to be. All I can do is be happy I made it this far and hope for easier days ahead. It seems to be the only choice I have.

Woman Of the Year...

Boy, do I feel a way this morning 😠. First let me say, everyone who knows me, knows by now that I am a PROUD member of the LBGTQI community. I always have been and always will be. Along with advocating for and promoting Black Consciousness I also advocate for LBGTQI rights, as well as the rights for the disabled. For no other reason than I AM all three categories, and all three categories fit under the minority umbrella.  I just needed to make that clear before I say what has me full of fury so early in the morning. Okay, so apparently Caitlyn, formerly known as Bruce, who I have totally and completely advocated for in the past, had a conversation with Ellen (who is completely my BAE in my mind). During that conversation Ellen asked him about his feelings, and where his mind was now that gay marriage is legal in all states. Now I'm assuming, that Ellen, like a reasonable human being, thought he was going to say something along the lines of "Wow, this is so great, completely over the moon for my community" or at least some smiling variation of that. Unfortunately though, Ellen and I were both dead WRONG. This fool said something along the lines of " I feel like men should marry women and women should marry men, no offense to the gay community but I just believe in traditional values". I'm paraphrasing obviously, but the traditional values part I took directly from Jenner's mouth. Point number one, correct  me if I'm wrong, but there is nothing traditional about being in the LBGTQI  community. That's why we've had to jump through all these hurdles to get a piece of equality now. Secondly, how dare you Caitlyn! Show up to NYC's Pride and party like you're family but you don't even really support what we were advocating for. I have some straight as an arrow friends that would slap dogshit out of you for the fuckery you had the nerve to say out loud. Ellen even said in her own interview that she could sense the homophia Caitlyn had while sitting on her damn couch.  Like really? For real? LASTLY, and this is the part that I know everyone's going to dread, and everyone's going to have a fit about but it's MY opinion and I'm entitled. In my humble opinion, this is just another example of white privilege.  No,  I'm not being too righteous, just hear me out. Before I blogged about this, I wrote a status on Facebook  basically saying being transgender and homophobic does not mesh well. I actually wrote "BITCH WHERE?" but that's neither here nor there. I went on to comment underneath my own post and tag my equally black concious sister-friend to share and explain why this is yet another blinding example of white privilege at the forefront. I wrote;

"THIS RIGHT HERE, IS WHITE PRIVLEGE YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE ONLY A WHITE MAN CAN LIVE HIS WHOLE LIFE AS A MAN GET RICH  BECOME A WOMEN GET A T.V. SHOW TALK TO ELLEN AND SAY "I JUST  FEEL LIKE  ONLY MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD BE MARRIED BECAUSE IM TRADITIONAL THAT WAY"

IF LAVERNE WENT ON ELLEN AND SAID THIS BULLSHIT SHE WOULD BE SHUNNED BY THE LBGTQI COMMUNITY AND KILLED LIKE MOST BLACK TRANSGENDER WOMEN ARE THESE DAYS NOT OUT HERE GETTING WOMAN OF THE YEAR WHEN YOU AINT EVEN BEEN SHOOTING IN THE GYM FOR A FULL 365...

SMMFH."

Ganted there was a truck load of the ebonics in there, but I think most of you can get the gist. It's not even like I'm hellbent I'm making it a 'race thing' (whatever the hell THAT means) . It's just that I don't have to MAKE anything because it already IS. No way in HELL Laverne Cox could get away with saying something like that. Not while still having supporters, still being rich, still making money, still being on TV. Not even a little bit, her whole life would be over. I'm not even going to touch the fact that Caitlyn hasn't even been a woman for a full year before accepting an award for the upstanding version of that very thing. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING upstanding about a person, I don't care WHAT they choose to identify as, who plays the ROLE of being apart of our community.  To rapidly gain supporters, advocators (like I once was)  and a judgement free zone, only to CLEARLY SHOW they don't care about anyone but themselves. Whoever that may be. People like that deserved to be exiled from the radar. Quick, fast and in a hurry.